Modern Physics, Meet the Bra

In: Reviews|Tech Reviews

9 Jun 2013

Can you believe? An entire year with no posts, and then I just show up – out of the blue – with a post about boobs. Maybe my male readership will increase….

Anyway, I just ordered my first Jockey volumetric bra. If you haven’t heard of it, Jockey is trying to bring the accuracy of professional bra fitting to the comfort of one’s home. The idea is that one can get a more accurate fit by measuring the volume of the breast, rather than a one-size-fits-all cup size. To do that, Jockey has a Fit Kit, which includes 10 flexible, plastic bra cups and a measuring tape.

I watched a demonstration on the Today show and it seemed easy enough, so I ordered a kit. It arrived on Thursday but I wasn’t able to measure until today. (I wisely waited until everyone was out of the house.)

The lady on the Today show said one is supposed to “drop” their breast tissue into the cup. If the cup fits snugly without any gaps or spillage, that’s your size. She demonstrated on a small mannequin with pert breasts that couldn’t have been larger than a B cup.

I am a big-busted girl (thanks Mom!) that wears a DD under the traditional system. I am also in my 40s, which means that in addition to life’s normal aggravations, I am fighting gravity on top of everything else. (See what I did there?)

After stripping to the waist, I started with the 7 cup. Let me tell you, that did nothing for my self-esteem. First of all, because breast tissue at this age is more like a slightly deflated water balloon, I positioned the cup down around my navel and scooped up, trying to cram the breast in there. Since that didn’t seem to be giving the type of results that they demonstrated on the Today show, I next went to a bent-from-the-waist position to let my breasts hang and then try to pin them against my now-upright chest with the cup. Fail. I briefly considered lifting my breast up and dropping it into the cup, but decided against it as there was a real chance that kind of force hitting my hand could dislocate something.

I went through the booby-dance again – multiple times – with sizes 8,9, and even 10, which is big enough for me to wear as a winter hat. Still couldn’t get the results that the Today show lady did. I did, however, learn at size 9 that my breast, which used to retain a nice slope even if pressed on it directly from the front, now folds. At this point, I’m seriously considering a drink, even though it’s barely past lunchtime.

In desperation, I watched the video again. I noticed that the live model they used is in a bra. So I tried with my traditional bra on, which holds them in the shape that they used to be able to maintain all by themselves. Viola! I finally got the results that the lady with the mannequin got.

Measuring the band size was easy and didn’t require any contortions -I just wrapped the measuring tape around my upper rib cage, just under the breasts, and took note of the number.

Finally, I had my size. In relief, I went to the Jockey site to order the $60 bra (they sent me a $20 off coupon) and they didn’t have it in the color I wanted – nude – so I ordered a white one.

Thankfully, the website was nicely designed and easy to use, so actually purchasing the bra was a breeze. I also noticed that shipping and returns are free, which is good, because I’m still not confident I got the right measurement.) Still, after all that trauma, I feel like the website should have paid me. đŸ™‚

In conclusion, while I do think that this is probably a more accurate way to order a bra, it’s probably not geared towards older women (i.e. sagging) or larger-women (i.e. fat.) If they could make the process of measuring my bra size as easy as taking my money, then we’d have a winner.Still, it’s not any more difficult than the current way of shopping for bras, which is try on 43 and buy one. By moving the trauma of bra-shopping to the home, they’ve at least made it more convenient.

2 Responses to Modern Physics, Meet the Bra



June 28th, 2013 at 02:48

Wow after reading about your measuring battle, i wanted a drink. I am all of your i.e.’s so i feel your pain. Im curious to know how it worked out for you when you actually get it and wear it. Good luck!



August 16th, 2013 at 21:23

Well, I received it, and nice try, but no cigar. It’s just a little too big. It was a good idea, though. Back to the drawing board.

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